Tag Archives: self reminder

To stay honest

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me in my space ~ Pedu Lake

I struggle.

As I age every day with my own lifestyle, doing just the thing that I want to do in my life, I struggle.

I struggle to stay honest. As honest as I could be. It’s a daily struggle.

To act honestly towards friends and people around me. To talk honestly about how I feel about things. To stay honest in my writing and my artwork and at the same time, to be honest to myself.

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this is what i want to always see ~ Pedu Lake

That cringe feeling each time I crossover the honesty line is depressing.

“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”

All due to peer pressure.  Of wanting to be accepted by my chosen group of well-minded people, so I thought.

With maturity, staying honest with my own self is seldom a problem. Maybe because I spend most of my time with me and myself … comfortable being alone exploring life. Simple mind and less complicated life.

But new people that I stumble upon this few years are very challenging.

I wanted to try something new. Open up myself, meeting new people and work on new projects but our personality doesn’t match. A sweet talker vs a doer does not belong together, a potential of a free rider.

Sweet talkers path their own runway with words and sweet promises to climb the highest mountain but when it comes to hard work building up the runway itself, they chickened out. The burden goes to ‘do-er’.

When you are trying your best to stay honest and genuine, these people showed me the other side of the perspective. That people can be reckless with their words. That word is cheap. Words and promises are just irresponsibly splurged to built trust.

Once they gain your trust, they’ll see and treat you as their donkey.

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a survivor ~ Pedu Lake

And, I decided to move on with my own way. Struggling every day to live life as a loyal, an honest and a sincere human being.

It is better to stay alone than to lose your self-value.

“And in the end all I learned was how to be strong… Alone.”

Cheers,

MM

 

ps: … throwing words out of my congested chest, letting it all out.

 

 


Learning about Shadow

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#morningshadow

There is so much drama in shadow.

Appear during the absence of light. Shadows drag along a sense of mystery in any art composition including photography. The element of shadow and light in Chiaroscuro and Rembrandt lighting technique are some of the tricks that I, as a photographer has to master. I am currently learning to appreciate shadows. Trying to understand how to be more artistic with shadows.

In reality, I hate shadow.

Hate is a very strong word.

Let me rephrase my word … I don’t really favor shadow in life. I try to avoid people with shadows too. I adore transparency … simple and easy, no hidden agenda, no secret plotting. I want to live my life as simple, less shadow and as minimal as possible.

I associate shadows with hidings and secrets. It was a thrill at first trying to figure out the mystery behind the shadow. But once I figured out the game and the implication, it becomes tiring.

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#slowshuttershadow

I fall in love with his shadow … knowing that the shadow is just feeding me fairy tales all along, I choose to play his game.

A shadow doesn’t commit to anything … always hiding and trying to avoid any form of commitment. Never willing to own up anything because the shadow is never real. After a while … when lights come the shadow fades away, completely out of sight. Leaving me alone again facing the reality of life.

That is how I see shadows … untouchable, unreachable, irresponsible, commitment freak and unpredictable. Chasing shadow is tiring. It feels like you are riding on a merry-go-round, round and round with no end. Happiness never works in hiding … happiness needs transparency, sincerity and commitment.

I want to let the shadow just be the shadow. Not wanting the shadow to be my savior anymore. I could be my own savior. After all, that is what shadows do best… it stays hiding.

I would look at the shadow only from my camera viewfinder from now on. Focusing on hunting for its shape whenever light appears and figure out on how to embed its artistic shape into the canvas of my composition.

I am living my moment and always in need of good sleep. Time for a quick snooze.

Bye for now

Cheers

Matsuda Mashimaru

 


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