I struggle.

As I age every day with my own lifestyle, doing just the thing that I want to do in my life, I struggle.

I struggle to stay honest. As honest as I could be. It’s a daily struggle.

To act honestly towards friends and people around me. To talk honestly about how I feel about things. To stay honest in my writing and my artwork and at the same time, to be honest to myself.

That cringe feeling each time I crossover the honesty line is depressing.

“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”

All due to peer pressure.  Of wanting to be accepted by my chosen group of well-minded people, so I thought.

With maturity, staying honest with my own self is seldom a problem. Maybe because I spend most of my time with me and myself … comfortable being alone exploring life. Simple mind and less complicated life.

But new people that I stumble upon this few years are very challenging.

I wanted to try something new. Open up myself, meeting new people and work on new projects but our personality doesn’t match. A sweet talker vs a doer does not belong together, a potential of a free rider.

Sweet talkers path their own runway with words and sweet promises to climb the highest mountain but when it comes to hard work building up the runway itself, they chickened out. The burden goes to ‘do-er’.

When you are trying your best to stay honest and genuine, these people showed me the other side of the perspective. That people can be reckless with their words. That word is cheap. Words and promises are just irresponsibly splurged to built trust.

Once they gain your trust, they’ll see and treat you as their donkey.

And, I decided to move on with my own way. Struggling every day to live life as a loyal, an honest and a sincere human being.

It is better to stay alone than to lose your self-value.

“And in the end all I learned was how to be strong… Alone.”

Cheers,

MM

 

ps: … throwing words out of my congested chest, letting it all out.