A year wiser

Today is my birthday.

My goodness, I am nearly reaching half a century old.

Numbers building up each year but surprisingly I don’t feel old at all. Another year wiser I think. Still, I don’t feel wiser either lol.

Except for this aching pain on my shoulder that I had from a fall with my camera early this year. I have to take a long rest from my hyperactive life for at least 6 months.

Treatment after treatment, I discovered that healing my muscles would take longer with age.

And the grey hairs that keep on popping out of my scalp. While the sensitive moody mood swing I kept experiencing lately is another sign that old people usually have lol.

I am glad that I am growing up just fine all these years. Except for some broken heart here and there … I am well taken care of by the Al-Mighty. Yep … blessed as always, alhamdulillah.

What did I do well? How did I manage to work out my life well other than the excuse of being so damn lucky and blessed by the Al-Mighty. I stumbled a few times in life but managed to stand up tall after each fall.

1. Being independent

I have a good father who taught me from a very young age the importance of being independent despite being a girl.

My father allowed me to stand on my 2 feet and respected my decision. Being a girl is not a weakness. I was treated fairly among my 4 brothers which gave me the confidence to carry myself along the way.

2. Good education

My father was a teacher. Education is important to him and he makes sure that his children are well educated regardless of their gender.

My curiosity helps me explore more about my surroundings and having a good education helps me to understand better. The more I understand about a puzzle the less scared I am about the uncertainty.

I learn to evaluate risk and take my own chances. When I was young, I see education as my ticket to get out of my house and explore the world.

3. Manage your finance well

Yes, money is not everything but money can bring you everywhere. Financial planning is very important. Work hard and learn how to properly manage your finances. Save your money for the thing that you really want to do in your life.

I want to be financially independent during my golden age and I make saving as my number 1 habit.  Don’t forget to buy an affordable health insurance policy when you are still young as you’ll save a lot on the lower monthly premium.

I had mine when I was 30 years old. At my age now and working as a freelancer, I am very thankful that I am well insured, as anything could just go wrong.

4. Choose to be a good person

Be a good daughter or son to your parents. Be a good father or mother to your children. Be a good lover.

Be a loyal husband or wife to your spouse. Be a good friend. Be a good girlfriend or boyfriend. Be a good member of your community.

Just be a good person because karma has a way to creep back into your life, what goes around will come around.

5. The power of strong faith in Al- Mighty

Have strong faith in Allah. Be a strong believer. He is the best planner. Trust him that everything would work out excellent according to his plan. He is indeed the most gracious and the most merciful.

Strong faith gives you strength when you are at your lowest point, gives you compassion and humanity when you are at your highest point.

حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ

Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).”–Surah Al ‘Imran (3:173)

Age is just a number.

Oh God! and I need to always remind myself to keep on doing things that I love the most in life without limiting myself with my AGE. Stop listening to the uncles, aunties, makcik and pakcik bawang … who keep on reminding me to act like my age.

Not dead yet … I am still breathing fine, Alhamdullilah.

Jom … let us continue living the best life that we could create. Keep on contributing and inspiring others.

I am done babbling like an old auntie, lol

Cherios!

Sallymatsuda, 21 September 2019

To stay honest

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me in my space ~ Pedu Lake

I struggle.

As I age every day with my own lifestyle, doing just the thing that I want to do in my life, I struggle.

I struggle to stay honest. As honest as I could be. It’s a daily struggle.

To act honestly towards friends and people around me. To talk honestly about how I feel about things. To stay honest in my writing and my artwork and at the same time, to be honest to myself.

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this is what i want to always see ~ Pedu Lake

That cringe feeling each time I crossover the honesty line is depressing.

“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”

All due to peer pressure.  Of wanting to be accepted by my chosen group of well-minded people, so I thought.

With maturity, staying honest with my own self is seldom a problem. Maybe because I spend most of my time with me and myself … comfortable being alone exploring life. Simple mind and less complicated life.

But new people that I stumble upon this few years are very challenging.

I wanted to try something new. Open up myself, meeting new people and work on new projects but our personality doesn’t match. A sweet talker vs a doer does not belong together, a potential of a free rider.

Sweet talkers path their own runway with words and sweet promises to climb the highest mountain but when it comes to hard work building up the runway itself, they chickened out. The burden goes to ‘do-er’.

When you are trying your best to stay honest and genuine, these people showed me the other side of the perspective. That people can be reckless with their words. That word is cheap. Words and promises are just irresponsibly splurged to built trust.

Once they gain your trust, they’ll see and treat you as their donkey.

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a survivor ~ Pedu Lake

And, I decided to move on with my own way. Struggling every day to live life as a loyal, an honest and a sincere human being.

It is better to stay alone than to lose your self-value.

“And in the end all I learned was how to be strong… Alone.”

Cheers,

MM

 

ps: … throwing words out of my congested chest, letting it all out.

 

 

Daydreaming

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While editing this photo and listening aka daydreaming to Fynn Jamal’s song aka poem, it struck me … her song is always a sad story.  It makes me sad listening to this song of her titled “Suatu Pernah”.

Suddenly looking at this photo of a young girl modelled for us at City of Taal, Manila, Philipines recently when I was in Manila, makes me sad. Her dad was at one corner watching over her beloved daughter posing for us, the photographers.

Her pure innocent heart … looking forward at the world, expecting the world to treat her equally and fairly. Probably one day she’ll fall in love and expect to be treated maybe not as a princess but as humane as possible.

And … guess what, life is not one bed of roses.

The video clip … so sad, tiba-tiba jiwang katak … sure sebab mental belum toughen lagi. Once in awhile, buang tebiat.

Suatu Pernah

Habis sudah madah
Tak ada satu pun yang tertinggal
Setiapnya telah kau ambil dan terus engkau jual
Seolah tak pernah memakna apa
Seolah tak pernah kau inginkannya
Seolah tak pernah
Dikutipku bila sudi
Di bila tidak dibiar mati
Dan lebih menyakitkan
Ku tetap tunggu di tepi jalan
Seperti tak pernah ku ada harga
Seperti tak pernah kita bersama
Seperti tak pernah kau mahu aku
Tak pernah rindu
Tak pernah rayu
Dulu
Terlebur hancur kebal rusukku
Berkecai sepai terpecah belah
Terima kasih atas ajarmu
Cinta tak wujud
Ah tak pernah
Dan dengarkan jeritku
Jujur tak terfitnah
Kau hanya bagiku
Suatu yang pernah
Takkan ada apa
Yang mampu untuk buat kau pulang
Bila sudah tiada rasa
Bikinlah apa tetap kau terbang
Takkanku pujuk kau jangan pergi
Takkan ku minta kau fikir lagi
Takkan ku

~ Fynn Jamal

Life is a journey, not a destination.

Cheers

MM

Learning about Shadow

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#morningshadow

There is so much drama in shadow.

Appear during the absence of light. Shadows drag along a sense of mystery in any art composition including photography. The element of shadow and light in Chiaroscuro and Rembrandt lighting technique are some of the tricks that I, as a photographer has to master. I am currently learning to appreciate shadows. Trying to understand how to be more artistic with shadows.

In reality, I hate shadow.

Hate is a very strong word.

Let me rephrase my word … I don’t really favor shadow in life. I try to avoid people with shadows too. I adore transparency … simple and easy, no hidden agenda, no secret plotting. I want to live my life as simple, less shadow and as minimal as possible.

I associate shadows with hidings and secrets. It was a thrill at first trying to figure out the mystery behind the shadow. But once I figured out the game and the implication, it becomes tiring.

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#slowshuttershadow

I fall in love with his shadow … knowing that the shadow is just feeding me fairy tales all along, I choose to play his game.

A shadow doesn’t commit to anything … always hiding and trying to avoid any form of commitment. Never willing to own up anything because the shadow is never real. After a while … when lights come the shadow fades away, completely out of sight. Leaving me alone again facing the reality of life.

That is how I see shadows … untouchable, unreachable, irresponsible, commitment freak and unpredictable. Chasing shadow is tiring. It feels like you are riding on a merry-go-round, round and round with no end. Happiness never works in hiding … happiness needs transparency, sincerity and commitment.

I want to let the shadow just be the shadow. Not wanting the shadow to be my savior anymore. I could be my own savior. After all, that is what shadows do best… it stays hiding.

I would look at the shadow only from my camera viewfinder from now on. Focusing on hunting for its shape whenever light appears and figure out on how to embed its artistic shape into the canvas of my composition.

I am living my moment and always in need of good sleep. Time for a quick snooze.

Bye for now

Cheers

Matsuda Mashimaru

 

Calmer 2019

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Dong Van. Northern Vietnam.September.2019

Another new year.

Feeling obnoxious. Adding up another year to my age. 2018 was not a very productive year and the mental exhaustion sometimes makes me want to quit from being the nicer me. Maybe this is maturity.

Overthinking. Fear that something might go wrong if I choose a different path. People of my age prefer to just choose the most comfortable path. But I always have that rebellious voice aka conscious voice that I want to listen to.

It seems like maturity took a heavy toll of my childish inner self. I am still not sure how to deal with it. Give it time … maybe Allah will show me the right path.

In the meantime … life goes on.

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Kashmir. India. October.2018

Happy new year to y’all who dropped by here reading my online journal.

Resolution? Naaahhh … no new resolution for me this year. I will always do what I always do … giving my best effort in everything that I do. I am not brave nor I am strong. If pushing myself to survive is this adventurous, damn …I would do this, again and again, for a million time.

Time for bed. It’s 12:04 AM now. A new year. A new day. A new challenge. Have faith.

Bye

MM

02.01.2019